Per request of Scott (see Rocky & Joey vs. Opossum post), I'm going to tell the hawk attack story. So the big thing that's funny about this is y'all need to keep in mind that my dear husband Joey isn't afraid of anything. He's like Steve Irwin; he walks up to snakes, steps on their heads, and cuts it off. So I guess he's crueler than Steve but definitely as brave (or stupid, however you want to look at it).
So this story took place back when I was still at Shorter. Joey was on his way to Auburn in his truck, and all the sudden, BAM, a huge bird flew up into his grill. So Joey stops on the side of the road, and as he got out of the truck, the hawk fell out of his grill, seemingly lifeless on its back with its wings out. So Joey leaned down to inspect it, and all the sudden (he makes it sound like a horror movie) the hawk opened its eyes, completely alert and definitely angry. If you could hear him tell this story, his description reminds me of the movie What Lies Beneath when Michelle Pfeiffer jumps up out of the bathtub. So this is when the hawk jumps up and attacks Joey's hand with his razor sharp talons which proceeded to go in one side of his finger and out the other.
So of course, this ticked Joey off to no end. He went to the bed of his pick-up (where of course he has more tools than most people own in their lives) and grabs a 2X4. When he tried to shove the bird out from under his truck, it grabbed the board with it's claws and started taking chunks out of it with its beak. But the hawk wouldn't hold on to the board long enough for Joey to pull it out from under the truck either. So now he's really ticked and decides to back up the truck so it would be him and the bird, without the truck protecting it. Well, the hawk was smart and flew off as soon as he fired up the truck.
It probably would have been really bad if the hawk had decided to fight Joey because Joey thought the thing couldn't fly and was injured, but obviously not the case. So from this point on Joey has mixed feelings when he sees a hawk - he shudders out of fear and awe of its strength and toughness and also out of anger and desire for revenge. Another funny thing is that Joey almost had another encounter when another hawk hit his driver's window in his work truck one day and would have gotten in the cab had the window been down a little further. So maybe he has reason to hate this bird, but I just think it's really entertaining that the only living creature my husband is afraid of is a bird.
2 comments:
That is awesome.
I bet there is a back story to that 2nd "attack." It was probably the same bird. He seemed very smart in the first encounter...he knew he wasn't at full health, so he used the truck to protect himself. When Joey backed up to get to him, he flew away to safety where, with revenge on his mind, he nursed himself back to health. After he had fully recovered, he started trying to track Joey down. Obviously he had done his research, because we all know Joey always drives with his windows down (that is why his left arm is always darker than his right, he hangs it out the window as he drives.) Can't you picture the hawk perched up on a power line, eyeing Joey, obliviously driving down the road, awaiting him to reach "the kill zone", then like a Japanese kamikaze swooping down for the kill? Luckily for Joey, he had yet to roll his window down that fateful day. This failed assassination attempt probably only enraged him more, he probably hates Fords now, too.
Beware Joey, he is still out there… plotting, calculating…revenge will be his.
Scott, this is hilarious! I was rolling on the ground reading this to Joey! The really funny thing is that he probably believes all of that! There was a hawk that he kept seeing a little ways down the street, and then I heard him come running inside screaming one day because the hawk was on a power line right across from our house!
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