Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Overwhelmed

Well, my fellow bloggers and friends LB and Ashley through their own recent blogs have encouraged me to share some of my own personal struggles. I'm usually not one to share my problems, especially spiritual ones, except to really close friends, but maybe by sharing this you all can minister to me and hopefully I can minister to someone out there as well.

As many of you know, I have started seeing clients now during my counseling internship. It has been a huge mix of emotions. I've felt excited, blessed, scared, frustrated, exhausted, competent, and incompetent. In the midst of it all, God has still shown me that this is what He is calling me to do. So what's the struggle? Well, in my training I have been told over and over that we as counselors need to practice very good self-care because this business can be very draining. Well, I'm am definitely seeing the reasons for this. I can't explain how exhausting and frustrating (even though exciting and purposeful) it can be to listen to other hurting individuals tell their stories and expect me to have the answers. I can pray and pray and pray for the Holy Spirit to give the wisdom and words to say, but ultimately I still need to take care of myself. So I haven't been doing that great of a job with it. I'm still eating well (those of you that know me know I wouldn't give that up easily) and venting/talking with friends, but I am not exercising like I should/used to. I know, both from experience and my education, that exercise releases endorphines and filters my body of all its toxins, but I'm not doing it. I have this stupid belief/thought that I don't want to take more than 1 shower a day because I don't like to "get ready" more than once. So if I can't fit that exercise in at the beginning of my day before my shower, I just skip it. How crazy is that, especially after seeing it written out.

Anyway, I can tell that this taking in everybody's problems and not having a way of debriefing myself is really getting to me. I have found myself taking out my frustration on my innocent husband over the stupidest things. I do not want to develop this destructive habit, so I need to change it now. So please pray for me that I will discipline myself and do what I know I need to do as well as allow God to take all my clients into His hands so that I don't feel the need to get frustrated with them either. If any of you have any encouraging (or challenging) words, I'm open.

2 comments:

LB said...

Lindsay, I have been thinking about you and wondering how things are going.

I don't really have much advice, expect to say that I can sort of empathize. When teaching at Pebblebrook, I was very emotionally connected to those kids. And there were some hard days--days when I would find out one of my favorites had been arrested, or found with a gun in their car, or that yet another was 16 and pregnant, and it was so emotionally draining. I guess be encouraged that you are helping. I know that a lot of times I felt so helpless to do anything, but your job allows you to actually do something. I don't know if that helps at all, but wanted you to know I am thinking of you.

Oh, (longest comment ever), the start of a new job is tough, anyway. My first few weeks of teaching were awful just from stress and figuring things out. Hang in there!!

LB said...

hey, i just re-read your post, and I am not sure if what I said applies, but anyway...as for exercise, again I can relate. When I was doing my internship, I was exhausted at night, and did not want to exercise and then have to take a shower and all of that. But it helped SO MUCH to get all of the stress and frustration out. It is amazing how it helps my mind. It still does. If I am in a terrible mood, Scott will practically force me to go exercise because of what a different person I am afterwards.