Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Does God Speak in 3's?

I don't know if any of you have ever heard the comment that God does things or speaks in 3's, but I have recently experienced this and thought I would share. Well, if you've read previous posts, you know that I have lost two dear family friends this summer. Well, these losses also brought up grieving from another loss of a dear family friend from almost 11 years ago. So there's the first reference to 3. As I was trying to process the grief of all those losses, I was doing a lot of talking to God and to friends and family.

Well, the first time throughout this process that God was trying to show me an area of my life that needed growth was actually through my counseling supervisor. As I was discussing the difficulties I was having with a client, she asked me if I have difficulty just letting loose and having fun (#1). Then while home for Steve's funeral, I decided to go visit Richard's (the loss from 11 years ago) gravesite in hopes that I would experience some healing from it. I asked a precious friend to give me a ride there, and on the way she spoke some Truth in love to me. She explained that she has always seen me as loving God through living my life for Him, doing things that would be pleasing to Him, and sharing Him with others including her. She said, though, that she has never really seen an expression of emotion about my relationship with God or a real passion like she has experienced as a new Christian who so values what she now has in Christ. She said that she doesn't see me express much passion or enjoyment for general things in life as well - that I say that I love God and I show it by obedience and sharing my story but that the emotion is missing (#2). Well, I took that all in, and then I went to talk with God and Richard at his gravesite. Through that conversation, God made me aware that these three losses were important people in my childhood, during a time which I enjoyed life, had tons of fun, and before I allowed Satan to twist things in my head. As a child I just embraced the fact that I was special and God and my parents loved me so much because my parents would not have had me if my older brother had not died of luekemia. Later, Satan twisted that identity into the pressure and burden of "I have to make my life meaningful, I must be serious and put-together." (#3).

I finally put all the 3's together and realized that obviously God is trying to tell me that he wants me to lay down that pressure and that burden. The crazy thing is I thought I had dealt with all of this in my own counseling experience a year ago when I was preparing to start counseling others. But I guess when you struggle with something, it can always creep back in. I think more specifically than what God was showing me a year ago about not thinking I have to do it all, is that I need to grow to enjoy God and all the little things in life rather than stressing out so much. So pray for me as I embark on this journey of allowing God to show me how to be somewhat of a kid again.

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